Still in Austin

You ever have so much junk spinning around in your brain that you can’t think straight enough to even begin to convey anything coherent? As good a writer as people think I am, I just have not been able to find the words to explain how confused and overwhelmed I feel by life right now.

I read the comments and emails sent to me and I just have not been able to find it in myself to answer them. While I feel honored to still hear from people every day who tell me they’ve been moved by something I wrote in the past, it’s like they’ve written to this whole other person that I used to be, but I’m just not her anymore. I know there are people out there, both near and far, who sincerely care for me - and despite the fact that I do not personally respond sometimes, I am deeply touched by their concern.

So I’m going to try to be better about at least keeping up with this blog a little more frequently anyway…and then get on to answering more personal emails.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been “settled” in Austin for over 2 years now when my original intent was to be here for the birth of my granddaughter’s twins and then take off again.

So many life changes since then have affected me in many different ways. I have so fallen in love with those girls that it’s hard to imagine not seeing them on a regular basis to watch how much they’ve grown and changed.

Then my youngest daughter moved here with her now 3 year old from California and it was so wonderful to get to know Anna - I’d only seen her one other time since she was born. We are the light of each other’s lives and when she calls her “Ammaw” and tells me she loves me, my heart just melts. And of course just getting to spend so much time with both my daughters in one place at the same time has been a much needed added bonus.

I’ve often heard from people who tell me they’d love to travel like I do, but they just couldn’t leave their loved ones (particularly grandkids) to fulltime RV. While I understood the sentiment, I also maintained that after raising your kids as best you could, you just can’t continue to live your life for them and at some point, it was your rightful turn to live your life how you really wanted to just for yourself. But I understand the alternate position a lot better now - and that has led to a lot of conflict in my heart and mind.

As always, I come back to profound appreciation that I started fulltiming when I did in 2001. Even if I never travel again, I’ve packed a lot of incredible memories into the last 9 years with no regrets for leaving when I did, as difficult as that was at the time.

So I’ve been going through all the scenarios and possibilities available to me now. Mounting RV repair bills started me wondering whether to trade it in on something newer. Research finally showed that wouldn’t be the best course.

When my tenant didn’t renew the lease on my duplex, I thought maybe it was time to hang up the motorhome keys and move back in next door to my mom. Her advancing age and diminished capabilities made me wonder if that wouldn’t be best for everyone.

But the thought of never having the opportunity to drive off in my rolling home and never to see the rest of my “must-sees” did not set well in my gut at all and I know for sure I’m not ready to make that final decision at this point.

My virtual assistant work is going really well and I continue to be so thankful that I can work from home, wherever my home may be at the time.

My oldest daughter moved into the duplex and will be able to help mom more, a blessing for us all.

So at this point the furthest I’ve been able to plan is to make it to Michigan this summer as I had planned to last summer. While my mom and I have taken a short trip to New Orleans for a family celebration in August, I’ve really missed longer trips on my own timeframe. Until then, I want to make shorter trips including the kids and grandkids to the zoo, some Texas state parks, etc.

That’s about as much as I can go into right now. Again I apologize to those I have not personally answered. I’ve made it a goal to try to be more communicative - sort of a pre-New Years Eve resolution, so we’ll see how that goes…

RV Repair vs. Trade-in Debate

Even before I got to Austin I was considering whether or not to get a newer motorhome or just fix the one I have. Inspiration is now 9 years old and it was certainly now having its “issues.”

When the refrigerator went out, that was something I could not ignore. I had been living without a microwave/convection oven for months now by using a toaster oven while I was trying to decide what to do, but nothing can substitute for a refrigerator except another refrigerator. Once I found out that to replace my current refrigerator would cost in the thousands (and to add insult to injury, my windshield would have to be removed in order to get the refrigerator in and out), it was suggested that I should just get a regular household refrigerator. But I didn’t like that idea at all. I feel that if I’m going to fulltime RV, I want the ability to switch the power from electric to propane to run the refrigerator. The ability to boondock is essential in my book.

So the greatest stroke of good luck that I’d had in a very long time was that it turned out that the problem with the refrigerator was covered by a Norcold recall notice. What a blessing - this big problem was going to be fixed at no expense to me.

But the next problem that came to scare me the most was with the slide. It had slowly become reluctant to come out and was obviously out of alignment. At one point, when trying to retract it, it completely freaked out, went all crooked on me and made terrible noises while one side went down and the other one stayed put. It took a mobile repair service and $200 just to get it in and in good enough shape to drive it to the Winnebago dealer for the big fix.

While I was there, it was great to see Rob was still at Crestview RV. He was the salesman who turned me on to the people from whom I bought Inspiration way back in 2001. I wrote about that case of “kismet” on my website Inspiration’s Journey in The Long Answer about how I started fulltime RVing.

He showed me a new motorhome that was listed in the $90,000 range and we talked about the terms I could expect in our current totally screwed up market. Even though this may be a good time to buy a new RV because of the diminished demand and tighter credit, I found out that also means my older motorhome is now not worth as much as I owe on it, at least for sure not on a trade-in basis. I was not happy to find out I was upside down on my loan for the first time in the years since I bought it.

I was so careful to do all the right things to avoid that happening - not only had I gotten a fabulously good deal from the private seller, I put 10% down and amortized the loan over 15 years even though I could have gotten lower payments over a longer term.

All this is bad news not only for me, but it also made me sad that this market is so bad Rob is seriously considering having to get out of the business after 9 years - such a shame because he loves what he does and he’s really good at it - knowledgeable and experienced, yet empathetic toward the customer - the best combination in a salesman.

Besides that, the new motorhome I saw that day did not turn me on in the least. Not only would my payments be considerably more than they are now, I would be deeper in longer lasting debt for something that was not nearly as comfortable with all the bells and whistles I had become used to in my fulltime home. I knew I wouldn’t like having to downgrade amenities to that extent for even more money.

I finally decided that if I could pay out about $2,000 total to get Inspiration really road worthy again, that I would be better off doing that. My tires were great and only a year old and now I had a newly repaired refrigerator, two of the biggest ticket items there are. Mileage was still under 50,000 miles and I’d made sure to keep the engine well maintained and serviced.

Turned out that by the time I got Crestview to fix the slide, service the generator, check and reseal the roof where necessary, and some other more minor repairs, then got the microwave/convection replaced with a new one, and replaced the engine battery I am about at that threshold.

But I’m happy with my decision at this point. I honestly don’t know how much longer I’ll be willing or able to fulltime RV. But all this having to seriously consider NOT doing it (even though for some seemingly very good, practical reasons) has convinced me that I’m still not immune to the travel bug.

So I’ve got a few more months to get ready for the next leg of the adventure when I leave for Michigan in mid May. Not only am I looking forward to meeting a couple of my virtual attorney clients up in the Bloomfield Hills area, but I’ve always wanted to see the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. One of my all time favorite sappy movies is “Somewhere in Time” which was filmed there, so it’s been on my “must see” list for quite a while.

If any Michigan area RVers are reading this and have any tips about campgrounds or anything else, I’d sure appreciate hearing them!

Blurry 2008

2008 was a blur of activity with family, health and RV repair issues, but a vast wasteland as far as my having a positive attitude and being really happy with my life.

In almost the entire year I have been back in Austin, no matter how much or how little was going on, I just have not been able to make myself write much - not in my journal, not on the websites - but worst of all, I haven’t even been answering emails. And I’ve always felt when people took the time to read what I’ve written - then write to tell me they’ve been impacted by what I did or said - the least I could do is thank and acknowledge them. But I haven’t even managed that lately.

I’m still surprised that people who just discovered what I wrote years ago write and tell me how inspiring I am. Most times these days I don’t even know who that woman is anymore. Every time I sit down and try to answer someone, I feel like a hypocrite because I don’t feel in the least bit like the woman they expect to hear back from, so I haven’t been able to make myself answer them.

Other than being with my family, I’ve become more reclusive and less communicative. I haven’t felt inspired or inspirational. I certainly don’t feel brave or adventurous - qualities people seem to admire me for. I’ve had a lot more insecurities and downright fears about nearly everything - either continuing to fulltime RV or settling down again - neither thought really excites me anymore.

When I arrived back in Austin last November, I thought I would be here for a few months to see my granddaughter give birth and help out as much as I could with the family and financial issues involved there. But besides all that, it just felt right at the time to sit still for a while. As much as I loved it, I was really physically tired coming off of the Blue Ridge Parkway tour.

I also intended to take care of some routine health and dental exams. I guess that’s when the downhill slide and the insomnia started. A routine pap smear turned into a cervical cancer scare. While that turned out not to be the case, it still kinda took the wind out of my sails, particularly after finding out how much dental work was needed and how ridiculously much they charge for the privilege of torturing your mouth.

But I’ve made progress in a lot of areas and I’m starting to get excited about making plans for the summer in Michigan. More on that later…

So I’ve made the commitment to start here to write more. Maybe by getting it out of my head and on paper will reveal some answers and lift some of the fog of confusion I seem to operate under these days. More on that later, too...