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Cailie is moving on to the next-step bed -- one where she is not monitored as closely as she has proven she can regulate her own temperature. Good girl!
Cadence is still improving from her bout with the bacterial meningitis - good girl, two!
Docs say that Cailie may be discharged in the next week or two. There will certainly be challenges because Caitlin cannot keep Cailie in the room at Seton House, so they will have to go home with Angelique. We'll just have to work it out to have someone to watch Cailie while Caitlin goes to the hospital to be with Cadence as much as possible. With all of us working, it won't be easy, but I'm hoping we'll find a way to make it all work so Cadence still gets a bunch of time with mom.
Angie and I are going to pick up one of the cribs this weekend. It's been wonderful how generous people have been with donations. We still need one crib, but are working on getting another to as closely match the one we already have - a cherrywood 4-in-1 deal that will convert to youth bed as they grow.
I'm sure there will be lots of conflicting info to come, but one we're dealing with now is the matter of the twins sleeping together. People at the hospital don't recommend it - says there is possibility of smothering each other, or passing germs if one is sick, etc. Another mom of twins I've been communicating with says exactly the opposite. Her twins were born about the same amount prematurely, were about the same weight and are now thriving at 11 months old.
She says, "Our girls slept together until about 2 months ago when they were too big to fit in one crib. They comforted each other if they woke during the night and actually slept a lot better together. Many mornings we would wake up to check on them and they were holding hands. I think it creates a great bond. Also let her know that it is amazing watching these little girls grow up. A mother has unconditional love for a child but you can truly see unconditional love between twins. My girls truly love each other with all their heart. More so than sibling love only, they share a special connection. They hold hands, kiss each other, find each other if one is crying, talk in their own little language and everything. It is awesome."
Isn't that wonderful? Angelique and I tend to side with them sleeping together, but hate to contradict what their doctors say, too. Any comments from other experienced moms of twins out there?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Fears and Gratitude
I'm happy to report that Cadence is doing much better - the jaundiced look is gone and she's all pretty and pink! It was bacterial meningitis, but it was caught early and she is responding well to the antibiotics. Recently, Caitlin got to bathe Cailie for the first time and bottle feed her using her stored breast milk. Great firsts!
As for me, I guess I've been more worried and under more pressure than I've admitted. On the surface, I've been able to be strong and positive about the twins and all of their past trials and those to come. I've been in awe of how fragile and yet how resilient life itself can be. I've been so proud of my daughter and granddaughter as they work their way through this drastic life change. I’ve seen the tears in all our eyes just gazing down at those precious little beings. My daughter said it best with, "I've never fallen in love with anything so fast besides Caitlin."
Family and friends from all over and readers of my websites that I've never met are calling and emailing with expressions of the joys and concerns we all have. It's touching to know we have prayers and good wishes being sent out all over the country.
But sometimes I think the effort of thinking positive - especially when all the "what ifs" and "if onlys" rear their ugly heads - can be exhausting. The other night, after I got home from the hospital, the door to my laundry inset in the RV came apart. I guess the vibration of the washing machine with the door left open loosened the frame that held the dozens of little slats. Some were still in place, but some were dangling from one end or the other. When I would get one slat in place, none of the other ones were cooperating. I asked myself why this had to happen now of all times - I didn't have the time, energy or money to deal with another problem, no matter how trivial! I’m embarrassed to admit I sat on the floor and started bawling. And the thought just popped into my head, "How is this a perfect mirror of my life right now?" Sometimes I do feel that all the slats of my life that I thought were secure are now coming apart and I feel like I have no clue how to get them all back in line. The motorhome is getting older and needs expensive maintenance and repairs - another mirror to my own body and health, which needs the same.
Somehow I'm amazed at how flimsy the construction is on these expensive motor homes - and other times I'm amazed at how far this rolling contraption has taken me and I'm grateful for all the things I've gotten to see because of it. I guess that’s yet another analogy for my own life and the fears and gratitude I experience on a daily basis. Now if I could just admit more of the gratitude and less of the fears, I’m sure I’d be in much better shape all the way around!
As for me, I guess I've been more worried and under more pressure than I've admitted. On the surface, I've been able to be strong and positive about the twins and all of their past trials and those to come. I've been in awe of how fragile and yet how resilient life itself can be. I've been so proud of my daughter and granddaughter as they work their way through this drastic life change. I’ve seen the tears in all our eyes just gazing down at those precious little beings. My daughter said it best with, "I've never fallen in love with anything so fast besides Caitlin."
Family and friends from all over and readers of my websites that I've never met are calling and emailing with expressions of the joys and concerns we all have. It's touching to know we have prayers and good wishes being sent out all over the country.
But sometimes I think the effort of thinking positive - especially when all the "what ifs" and "if onlys" rear their ugly heads - can be exhausting. The other night, after I got home from the hospital, the door to my laundry inset in the RV came apart. I guess the vibration of the washing machine with the door left open loosened the frame that held the dozens of little slats. Some were still in place, but some were dangling from one end or the other. When I would get one slat in place, none of the other ones were cooperating. I asked myself why this had to happen now of all times - I didn't have the time, energy or money to deal with another problem, no matter how trivial! I’m embarrassed to admit I sat on the floor and started bawling. And the thought just popped into my head, "How is this a perfect mirror of my life right now?" Sometimes I do feel that all the slats of my life that I thought were secure are now coming apart and I feel like I have no clue how to get them all back in line. The motorhome is getting older and needs expensive maintenance and repairs - another mirror to my own body and health, which needs the same.
Somehow I'm amazed at how flimsy the construction is on these expensive motor homes - and other times I'm amazed at how far this rolling contraption has taken me and I'm grateful for all the things I've gotten to see because of it. I guess that’s yet another analogy for my own life and the fears and gratitude I experience on a daily basis. Now if I could just admit more of the gratitude and less of the fears, I’m sure I’d be in much better shape all the way around!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Twins Update
Caitlin is quite the mom already - she is determined to breast feed them and hospital agrees that is best for them. But since their "suck-suck-swallow" instincts have not kicked in yet and they can't actually nurse at the breast, Caitlin has to pump the milk so she doesn't dry up. She has to bring the bags of milk to the hospital several times a day for storage. The milk is refrigerated and used to feed via the tubes. To say the least, this is an uncomfortable process for her, but to her credit, she is handling it all like a trooper. Only complication there is that in order for her not to develop an infection herself from all milk not being expelled, a hospital grade pumping machine has to be rented at $75 a month - to buy it would be about $1,400!
A couple of days ago we were told Cadence had developed a digestive tract infection due to not being able to digest the breast milk properly. Apparently her little GI tract is not developed enough, so now they're only able to feed her nutrients through a tube down her tiny throat. She was also jaundiced and was put on antiobiotics. The nurse told us not to panic - "welcome to the world of NICU" - that these kind of complications were normal for preemies.
There was some concern that Cailie would develop the same problem, so they also removed her from breast milk, but so far no infection in her and at this point she's doing very well, the ventilator has been removed and she is not on antiobiotics. When I saw them yesterday, she even opened her eyes and seemed to look right at me. She's quite the little cut-up already and we have pics and video of her stretching, sticking out her tongue and gives these little smiles that melt our hearts.
But today when Angelique met Caitlin outside the NICU, Caitlin instructed her mom not to freak out but that Cadence was being given a blood transfusion. Her counts were low and they said they had a "strong suspicion" of meningitis so performed a spinal tap. Hopefully the results will be in tomorrow, but in any case, they said Cailie will come home before Cadence can since she requires at least 8 weeks of antiobiotics.
Of course this was unwelcome news to our entire family, but we stand strong in our faith and belief that these little girls will both pull through this. Like my friend, Pat, said: "Life is a gift from God and he doesn't take it back lightly."
A couple of days ago we were told Cadence had developed a digestive tract infection due to not being able to digest the breast milk properly. Apparently her little GI tract is not developed enough, so now they're only able to feed her nutrients through a tube down her tiny throat. She was also jaundiced and was put on antiobiotics. The nurse told us not to panic - "welcome to the world of NICU" - that these kind of complications were normal for preemies.
There was some concern that Cailie would develop the same problem, so they also removed her from breast milk, but so far no infection in her and at this point she's doing very well, the ventilator has been removed and she is not on antiobiotics. When I saw them yesterday, she even opened her eyes and seemed to look right at me. She's quite the little cut-up already and we have pics and video of her stretching, sticking out her tongue and gives these little smiles that melt our hearts.
But today when Angelique met Caitlin outside the NICU, Caitlin instructed her mom not to freak out but that Cadence was being given a blood transfusion. Her counts were low and they said they had a "strong suspicion" of meningitis so performed a spinal tap. Hopefully the results will be in tomorrow, but in any case, they said Cailie will come home before Cadence can since she requires at least 8 weeks of antiobiotics.
Of course this was unwelcome news to our entire family, but we stand strong in our faith and belief that these little girls will both pull through this. Like my friend, Pat, said: "Life is a gift from God and he doesn't take it back lightly."
Monday, January 14, 2008
Early Birds!
The twins weren’t due to be born until March 8, but apparently they got tired of hanging out in the womb, so decided to join the world on January 8. We’ve all been in a flurry of activity and a whirlwind of emotions since then. I’ve started a couple of pages on my website with pics, but will use this blog for updates in between times of posting to the website.
What an exciting night and the culmination of months of conflicting emotions and ideas on everyone’s part. But whatever the consequences, Caitlin fought for these two beings to be born.
At different times, different factors on both sides of the families thought she should either have an abortion or give them up for adoption - no one thought at first it was a good idea for her to keep and try to raise two children.
As for choosing abortion, she said all along she just could not live with “killing her babies” so that took care of that subject.
As for choosing adoption, there were times she wondered about her ability to give the babies the kind of life she wanted them to have. She didn’t even know how to drive, had never held a job and hadn’t finished high school. She knew she had to get an education if she was ever going to be able to provide for them in the future. Could she get her diploma while raising twins? Of course she couldn’t do that on her own by herself.
I’ve never been more proud of my own daughter in the way she took care of Caitlin during this time. To Angelique’s credit, she stood firm in her resolve not to force a decision on Caitlin. She voiced her opinions rationally (ok, sometimes even irrationally) but she would stand by her daughter no matter what that decision, but the decision was to be Caitlin’s.
Even if it meant Angelique moving to Georgetown, a 30+ mile commute to work and all the accompanying traffic nightmares and the ridiculous price of gas money. But the special needs school there would make it possible for Caitlin to continue school while her babies were cared for in the same building at no cost. The last thing Angelique wants is to live in Georgetown, but she is willing to make that sacrifice since no similar program exists in Austin.
Even when she had to take off so much time from work to get Caitlin to doctor appointments, hold her hand through her fears - even when her plans for her own life for the next few years were being put on hold, not to mention the financial burden - she was determined to be a support for her daughter and to see her through it as best she could. She did sincerely thank President Bill for the FMLA that assured her being able to keep her job during all the times she had to take off work. But she works weekends and long hours to make up for it and to have full paychecks whenever possible. I guess it’s because she’s my baby that I sometimes worry more about her than I do about Caitlin and the girls.
There were early doubts about how much the father would be involved as he went through his own fears about becoming a father at the age of 17 when his education was important to him and his family, as well. We were not really sure at all times if he or his family would want anything to do with them, much less take on any financial responsibility for them.
When I asked Caitlin what was the one thing she was looking forward to the most about having the babies, she said “Just them being here - being able to see and hold them at last.” When I asked what was the one thing she feared the most, she said “Alex not being there.” Thank God that despite his early fears, he was right there with her and has really stepped up to the plate and wants to be a good daddy to those little girls. His entire family has fallen in love with them as well and it’s such a comfort and joy to us all to know the babies will have as much love and support in their lives as they deserve.
And despite my own initial fears and conflicting emotions, I feel blessed to have been able to see Caitlin during her pregnancy and to be at the hospital when they were born. Watching her at the doctor visits during the sonograms - it was obvious even back then that she was totally in love with them. The look of awe on her face looking at those fuzzy pictures, the way she breathed “awww” in a hushed tone when she could make out their little fuzzy faces, kicking legs and tiny thumb sucking - could choke me up more than anything else. While she was in early labor, the babies were kicking up a storm and it hurt her when they kicked right in the place where they had the monitors. At one point, I went over and put my mouth right next to her stomach and talked to the babies, telling them to chill out and hold on. To our amazement, they stopped kicking and their heart rates calmed down. A great introduction to their great grandma!
I’m happy that Caitlin lets her grandma “baby” her without all the objections when her mom does so, and I feel perfectly justified in my grandma role in spoiling her as much as I can while still trying to instill some important life lessons at the same time. We’ve always been close and able to communicate quite well, even though I’ve been on the road so much during her older years. Despite time and distance apart, it always feels like we can just pick right back up where we left off and talk openly and honestly with each other.
So despite any bumps in the road to come, we’re committed to travel them together. As I once read, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength." I pray for the necessary strength and welcome the upcoming joys of watching these twin souls come into their own strengths. And it’s always possible to choose to look on the bright side. As another mother of twins advised, “It is an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. Watching twins grow is watching unconditional love between siblings grow. It is truly incredible. Your family has been blessed with twins and you all will enjoy them. With her being so young it will help because she will be able to chase them easier!
Another thing I read recently really hit a place in my heart, too: “If I could tell you anything about succeeding in life, it would be to stop trying to fight your own limitations, stop trying to "fix" your weaknesses, and start working in your strength areas. If you spend your life strengthening your weaknesses, all you end up with is a bunch of weak strengths. If you spend your life strengthening your strengths, you are strong. You are mighty.”
So our mighty families will be traveling this road together…more updates to come.
What an exciting night and the culmination of months of conflicting emotions and ideas on everyone’s part. But whatever the consequences, Caitlin fought for these two beings to be born.
At different times, different factors on both sides of the families thought she should either have an abortion or give them up for adoption - no one thought at first it was a good idea for her to keep and try to raise two children.
As for choosing abortion, she said all along she just could not live with “killing her babies” so that took care of that subject.
As for choosing adoption, there were times she wondered about her ability to give the babies the kind of life she wanted them to have. She didn’t even know how to drive, had never held a job and hadn’t finished high school. She knew she had to get an education if she was ever going to be able to provide for them in the future. Could she get her diploma while raising twins? Of course she couldn’t do that on her own by herself.
I’ve never been more proud of my own daughter in the way she took care of Caitlin during this time. To Angelique’s credit, she stood firm in her resolve not to force a decision on Caitlin. She voiced her opinions rationally (ok, sometimes even irrationally) but she would stand by her daughter no matter what that decision, but the decision was to be Caitlin’s.
Even if it meant Angelique moving to Georgetown, a 30+ mile commute to work and all the accompanying traffic nightmares and the ridiculous price of gas money. But the special needs school there would make it possible for Caitlin to continue school while her babies were cared for in the same building at no cost. The last thing Angelique wants is to live in Georgetown, but she is willing to make that sacrifice since no similar program exists in Austin.
Even when she had to take off so much time from work to get Caitlin to doctor appointments, hold her hand through her fears - even when her plans for her own life for the next few years were being put on hold, not to mention the financial burden - she was determined to be a support for her daughter and to see her through it as best she could. She did sincerely thank President Bill for the FMLA that assured her being able to keep her job during all the times she had to take off work. But she works weekends and long hours to make up for it and to have full paychecks whenever possible. I guess it’s because she’s my baby that I sometimes worry more about her than I do about Caitlin and the girls.
There were early doubts about how much the father would be involved as he went through his own fears about becoming a father at the age of 17 when his education was important to him and his family, as well. We were not really sure at all times if he or his family would want anything to do with them, much less take on any financial responsibility for them.
When I asked Caitlin what was the one thing she was looking forward to the most about having the babies, she said “Just them being here - being able to see and hold them at last.” When I asked what was the one thing she feared the most, she said “Alex not being there.” Thank God that despite his early fears, he was right there with her and has really stepped up to the plate and wants to be a good daddy to those little girls. His entire family has fallen in love with them as well and it’s such a comfort and joy to us all to know the babies will have as much love and support in their lives as they deserve.
And despite my own initial fears and conflicting emotions, I feel blessed to have been able to see Caitlin during her pregnancy and to be at the hospital when they were born. Watching her at the doctor visits during the sonograms - it was obvious even back then that she was totally in love with them. The look of awe on her face looking at those fuzzy pictures, the way she breathed “awww” in a hushed tone when she could make out their little fuzzy faces, kicking legs and tiny thumb sucking - could choke me up more than anything else. While she was in early labor, the babies were kicking up a storm and it hurt her when they kicked right in the place where they had the monitors. At one point, I went over and put my mouth right next to her stomach and talked to the babies, telling them to chill out and hold on. To our amazement, they stopped kicking and their heart rates calmed down. A great introduction to their great grandma!
I’m happy that Caitlin lets her grandma “baby” her without all the objections when her mom does so, and I feel perfectly justified in my grandma role in spoiling her as much as I can while still trying to instill some important life lessons at the same time. We’ve always been close and able to communicate quite well, even though I’ve been on the road so much during her older years. Despite time and distance apart, it always feels like we can just pick right back up where we left off and talk openly and honestly with each other.
So despite any bumps in the road to come, we’re committed to travel them together. As I once read, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength." I pray for the necessary strength and welcome the upcoming joys of watching these twin souls come into their own strengths. And it’s always possible to choose to look on the bright side. As another mother of twins advised, “It is an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for the world. Watching twins grow is watching unconditional love between siblings grow. It is truly incredible. Your family has been blessed with twins and you all will enjoy them. With her being so young it will help because she will be able to chase them easier!
Another thing I read recently really hit a place in my heart, too: “If I could tell you anything about succeeding in life, it would be to stop trying to fight your own limitations, stop trying to "fix" your weaknesses, and start working in your strength areas. If you spend your life strengthening your weaknesses, all you end up with is a bunch of weak strengths. If you spend your life strengthening your strengths, you are strong. You are mighty.”
So our mighty families will be traveling this road together…more updates to come.
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